Nightmares
by Crispy75
Summary: Alex is back from the Congo and suffering. Can Olivia help? Hope you like AO of course
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing

_This was supposed to be a one shot but it just kept growing_

Nightmares

Olivia came awake with a startled gasp, shooting upright in bed and looking around the strange bedroom. It took her a few seconds to realise where she was as fear clawed at her throat and had her hand reaching for her gun.

She came to the realisation she was in Alex's spare room, wearing borrowed pj's the same time her hand hit her holster and she paused. She sighed as she remembered the events that had brought her here tonight.

It had been two months since Alex had left the team and headed for the Congo so she had been surprised when her mobile buzzed and she had seen Alex's name flashed on the screen. Alex had asked prior to leaving the unit if she could keep in contact and Olivia had indicated she could but hadn't really expected she would after last time.

So the text message had come as a surprise as had the request for dinner and movies. Olivia had spoken with the Captain who gave her the night off and she had met their ex ADA at one of their old favourite stomping grounds, an Indian restaurant not far from Alex's.

To say she was surprised by the state of Alex was an understatement. She looked pale, tired and way too thin, her unusually casual clothes of jeans and hoodie hanging on her. Something wasn't right. But Alex had met her with a smile and a hug, had eaten like there was no tomorrow, told incredible tales about the beauty of the Congo and Olivia fell into the old times just like that.

At the movies they caught the latest comedy out with Ben Stiller in it and shared a large popcorn between them. After the movies they went back to Alex's where Alex had plied her with alcohol as she told tales of their latest escapades at the unit. Alex thought it hilarious as she told how she'd been poisoned by the mushrooms. Not the poison part obviously but the things she'd said while under the influence.

When she had tried to leave at the end of the evening Alex asked her to stay. Olivia had looked at her a long time and seeing how jittery Alex was agreed. Alex's relief was palpable. So they said goodnight and went their separate ways. Alex into her room, Olivia into the spare.

Olivia frowned when she realised something had woken her. Maybe Alex was up and walking around? Maybe it was just a strange bed or a dream she couldn't remember. Shrugging she lay down before bolting out of bed at Alex's piercing scream.

She grabbed her gun and tore out of the room, across the hall and into Alex's room, training the gun around the room looking for a threat. All she could see was Alex tossing and turning on the bed in the throes of a nightmare. Olivia could hear her begging someone not to hurt her, not to shoot and figured she was having nightmares about her shooting.

Placing her gun aside she sat down on the bed next to Alex and gently reached out to shake her shoulder.

"Alex" she whispered and Alex bolted out of bed faster than you could say Jiminy Cricket. Olivia's heart broke as she took in her friends wild eyes as she looked for an escape route and she realised she was still caught in the terror of her nightmare.

"Alex it's me Olivia" she said softly and watched the blonde blink before her face crumbled along with her legs and she slid to the floor crying. She looked like a small child in her baggy pyjamas, messed up hair and tear streaked face. Olivia swore softly and raced for her, falling to her knees and wrapping her arms around the younger woman soothed her as she cried. "It's Ok Alex, I'm here, let it out Lex" she soothed "I won't let anyone hurt you, you're safe" she rocked Alex as she cried, speaking to her quietly until the sobs turned to sniffles and then quiet sighs.

"Lex, sweetheart, what's going on?" Olivia asked and Alex shook her head

"Not now Liv, I'm too tired. Can we talk in the morning?" Alex asked and held her friend close

"Sure" Olivia wanted to know what was going on but would wait for morning, she wouldn't let Alex procrastinate from there though. "Let's get you back to bed" she offered then grimaced as Alex gripped her tight and looked at her with frightened eyes.

"Stay with me?" she asked and Olivia sighed "Please Liv, I feel safe with you" she begged and Olivia couldn't say no. Maybe this was why Alex looked so awful. It appeared she wasn't sleeping which seemed to be affecting her greatly.

"Ok, c'mon, I'll sleep the side closest to the door and I have my gun, you're safe" she told Alex and standing helped the younger woman up and to the bed where Alex crawled across to her side and Olivia slid in next to her.

Alex lay on her side, facing away from Olivia, stiff as a board. Olivia rolled her eyes knowing neither one of them would get any sleep if Alex didn't relax. Rolling onto her side she pressed in close behind Alex, wrapping an arm around her stomach and 'spooning' her. She once again whispered to her telling her she was safe, that she'd protect her until she felt Alex starting to relax. Only then did she close her own eyes and let sleep take hold.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing

The next morning she was woken by the continual ringing of the phone on the bedside table. As she came to she was aware of Alex still in her arms but stirring. Olivia let her go when she pulled away gently and reached for the phone. Olivia realised they hadn't moved since falling asleep in the early hours of the morning. She winced when pins and needles rushed down her arm into her fingers as blood flowed into her arm.

"Hello?" she heard Alex answer the phone and with a groan rolled onto her back and flicked her fingers, getting the blood pumping. She turned to look at Alex when she felt her stiffen and saw her looking down with a flush across her cheeks

"Yes she's here, she must have slept in, we were up pretty late last night" the flush deepened and she looked away. Olivia grinned, Alex Cabot could be shy. "I'll go wake her and send her in Elliott, Ok thankyou it sounds good...yes soon...Ok bye"

Alex hung up and lay back down on the bed on her back. She refused to look at Olivia though so Olivia waited until Alex worked through what she wanted to say. Olivia didn't intend to leave until she got some answers to a few questions.

"Elliott called, you're late to work" Alex told her and Olivia merely raised a brow and gave a shrug

"Guess they can wait, I'm owed plenty of time" she replied and looked at Alex patiently "I've got all day Alex, I'm not leaving until I know what is going on"

Alex sighed and looked away. She should have known Olivia would want to know. Once she got a whiff of something she was like a dog with a bone.

"It was nothing, just a nightmare" she tried to shrug it off and felt Olivia move beside her until she was kneeling and reaching out to cup her face pulled it gently around until they were face to face. Serious brown eyes met embarrassed blue.

"Lex, don't downplay last night, I know all about nightmares after my under cover experience, you know that" she spoke quietly, reassuringly "You called me for a reason Alex, now let me in"

Alex looked at Olivia a long time, she _**had**_ called her, she trusted her. Olivia made her feel safe, she didn't know or understand why. Maybe it went back to their friendship prior to her shooting, maybe it was from when she was lying bleeding on the footpath and Olivia's voice became her focal point to stay alive. She didn't know but she knew she needed to confide in someone and Olivia was the only person she could think of.

"OK, but it might take a while" she finally capitulated and Olivia nodded, reaching across her and grabbing the phone to dial work. With a few quick words to Cragen she had some time off and didn't have to go in until the following day. Hanging up she looked back at Alex and raised a brow.

"We should get dressed and go to another room" Alex tried to procrastinate again but Olivia took her hand and held her firm. She lay back down among the pillows and simply waited. Alex sighed and lay down next to her, holding her hand tight. She wasn't sure where to begin so she guessed she would start at the beginning.

"You know my shooting affected me greatly, I lost so much and had to deal with it on my own. Not just the physical healing but the psychological as well. Every time I thought I was better something happened to drag me back down. The Connors trial, being moved, mother's death, the re incarnation of Alex. That one threw me completely and I didn't handle it well." She sighed and cuddled closer in to Olivia as the old fears started to overwhelm her. Olivia offered her a reassuring smile and wrapped and arm around her waist as she cuddled close.

"You know all that, I explained it last time. I got a lot of help then, came back to the unit, thought I was the old Alex again. I was enjoying myself, the nightmares stopped completely and when I was offered a spot in the Congo I jumped at the chance. I thought I could make a difference, prove that I had never been a victim. Oh Liv I have never been so wrong" she sighed her body shaking and Olivia pulled her in tighter.

"It's Ok Lex, take your time" she whispered, stroking her hair soothingly and Alex sighed.

"At first it was an adventure, the countryside was beautiful and it hid the ravages of corruption and evil over there. The fact we had armoured guards with us around the clock didn't compute at first and then we ventured out of the safe zone, into camps" she shuddered again "The first time I heard gunfire I screamed and hit the ground. They tried not to show it but they were laughing at me, especially the security team. It didn't get much better after that. I managed not to scream but I couldn't stop the shakes and the nightmares started again. Sometimes it was Connors, sometimes it was the men I was prosecuting daily.

I could hide it at first but they got worse, I couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate, couldn't eat. I eventually confided in one of the other women and the next day I was on a plane heading home. Once I have myself sorted again I can become a recruiter, organise fundraising but I'm too risky to have back"

"I'm sorry Alex" Olivia tried to be, really she did, but she didn't want her friend over there in that situation "I'll help you Lex, as long as you need it. You still need to get professional help though"

"I know" Alex sighed "When I got back to New York again I thought I would be fine, no gunshots to remind me, no men yelling that they would make me pay. I was back in my safe zone" she laughed dryly "How wrong I was. I was worse, it all started here. I dream of them finding me, coming to America and killing me, it's driving me crazy. It's been a week since I was back and I was falling into all the old usual traps from before." She blushed and looked away and Olivia raised a brow in surprise.

"You didn't do a subordinate on your desk did you?" Olivia asked and Alex shot her a warning glare before her lips twitched and she chuckled.

"No I did not" she rolled her eyes and they held each other and chuckled for long minutes "That is the last thing on my mind at the moment. I contemplated shutting myself away but.." she paused and bit he lip and Olivia waited expectantly

"But what?"

"But I kept thinking about you" Alex admitted quietly "how I missed you, your friendship just having you around, the feeling I get when I am with you" she shrugged and tilted her head up to look at Olivia who was watching her with serious brown eyes. Alex could tell she was curious and smiled "You make me feel safe Detective Benson. I fell asleep quickly for the first time in weeks last night. I may have dreamed but you were here and you held me and I slept peacefully after that. I haven't felt that safe since before I was shot, longer in fact, maybe since I was a girl and my daddy was my hero"

"Wow" Olivia blinked "Those are pretty big shoes to fill, you idolised your father". Olivia couldn't help but feel slightly humbled and a little proud that Alex had sort her out. She promised herself that whatever Alex needed she would provide the best she could, as long as it didn't interfere with work.

"I'm not asking you to fill them Liv, I just need my best friend"

"Sure, when I'm not at work and if you need me I am just a phone call away" Olivia promised and Alex flushed around a smile, happy to have Liv's support. Now if only she could get Olivia to agree to her next request.

"Ah, I was hoping I could maybe convince you to stay with me for a while, help me get back on track, be here if I have nightmares, talk to me after I've seen a psych" she shuddered at the idea.

Olivia's mouth fell open in shock. Alex wanted her to move in for a while, spend time with her support her? Did she really need to think about it? 1, her friend needed her. 2, this apartment was at least 3 times as large and luxurious as her own. 3, she would get to spend time with Alex, go out, be normal and get a social life.

"Move in with you?" Olivia grinned and Alex relaxed "Such a hardship, living in luxury, having you cook my meals... ouch!" she jumped and laughed as Alex pinched her side "Ok ok do my washing then" she laughed again when she got another pinch "Darn my socks" she teased next and soon they were laughing and rolling over the sheets as Alex tried to tickle her.

Olivia finally had enough and pinned Alex beneath her and held her down with her hands by her head and her legs pinning Alex's.

"You need to put a bit of meat on those bones counsellor" she grinned then quickly rolling off Alex and the bed headed out of the room "Be ready in ten minutes, I'll take you to breakfast and we'll go get some stuff for me to stay"

Alex grinned and leapt out of bed racing for her en suite. Olivia was going to stay with her, help her. She knew with Liv around her chances of getting better were greatly increased.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing

So started their day. Olivia took Alex out to a cafe and they ate a big serving of bacon and eggs on toast. Alex only wanted toast but Olivia over ruled, saying she needed to eat and get some weight back on, she'd been too skinny for too long.

After they went to Olivia's and Alex helped her pack. She wasn't all that impressed with the wardrobe and threatened to take Olivia shopping. Olivia told her to keep her nose out of her wardrobe.

That night Olivia cooked while Alex watched, Olivia had only been teasing about Alex cooking her meals. Alex could barely boil water. Alex tried to help by chopping some vegies but it only slowed Olivia down so she sat back with her glass of wine and watched. She did KP duty after then joined Olivia on the couch to watch a TV. Olivia wanted to watch a cop show but Alex had enough of those and wanted to watch some comedy. They argued good naturedly before giving up and putting on a movie.

At bed time Alex said goodnight with some trepidation, sure she was going to dream. Olivia gave her a hug and told her to think positive and to remember she was there. Alex lay in bed for a long time that night before sleep took hold, wishing Olivia was there to hold her and keep her safe.

Alex's scream had her bolt upright and running for her friend in seconds flat. Unlike last night when she tried to waken her friend tonight she crawled straight into bed and wrapped Alex up in her arms. Alex did wake though but unlike the previous night she knew exactly who was in bed with her and she didn't think twice about snuggling in

"Don't leave me please, don't ever leave" she sobbed

"I won't" Olivia promised rubbing her back "Sshh now, I'm here, go back to sleep" she held Alex close to her left side, Alex's head on her shoulder, the fingers of her right hand entangled with Alex's left and with Alex's left leg thrown across hers. Olivia didn't even want to think how incredibly right it felt.

So the days passed. Olivia worked and went home when she could to have Alex waiting for her, usually with a beer if not too late or if it was then with a warm cup of tea to relax her. They always went off to separate beds but usually ended up snuggling in Alex's after a nightmare.

Alex had given Olivia permission to confide in Elliott and he was supportive of his partner helping their ex ADA out. Cragen knew too as her Captain. Both worked hard to make sure Olivia left at a reasonable time so Alex would be settled. They were all concerned for her health.

The first night she had to stay back late she trudged home to Alex's at 3 in the morning and was surprisingly met at the door by a red eyed Alex. Olivia's heart broke for her friend and after shedding her coat with the help of Alex she opened her arms and had her arms full of woman the next second. Olivia felt her heart jump and was slightly confused by it but brushed it aside, Alex needed to feel safe.

"Come on counsellor, let's go to bed" she whispered and smiled when Alex held her tighter "I'll be right there Al, just let me get changed" she gave Alex a squeeze and let her go. Alex immediately hugged herself, feeling bereft and not really liking the fact. She followed Olivia towards their bedrooms and turned left into hers when Olivia went right.

She slid into bed, pulling the covers up to her chin and waiting. Olivia soon joined her in her NYPD shirt and jogging shorts she wore to bed. Olivia turned off the light and slid in next to her. Alex immediately relaxed at feeling the familiar weight of Olivia beside her, the scent of her and her mere presence before Olivia wrapped her arms around her and pulled her into their standard position with her curled up to Olivia's right side.

Within minutes she was fast asleep, no nightmares to disturb her, just dreams of being held in Olivia's arms for a long time to come.

A couple of weeks later Alex went to her first psych appointment, Olivia got time off to go with her. The psych was very friendly and listened intently while Alex struggled through telling her story. Olivia sat holding her hand and being supportive. At the end of the session the psych said it was great to see she had such a supportive partner and Alex flushed crimson and Olivia chuckled while assuring the woman they were long time friends. The psych watched them for long moments before muttering something about having friends like hers then told her to make an appointment for a fortnight.

Olivia pulled Alex out by their joined hand and refused to let it go while they made the next appointment and leading Alex outside.

"I can't believe she thought we were together" Alex shook her head as they sat in a nearby cafe waiting for lunch to arrive.

"Ouch, talk about an arrow to the heart" Olivia teased "Must be why I'm 43 and single, everybody's friend, nobody's lover"

"Oh hey, I just meant..."

"I know Alex, I'm your best friend, I make you feel safe. I figure I have a few things going against me anyway mainly being I'm female, you're straight and I am blue collar"

"Now wait a minute, I am not a snob" Alex scowled at Olivia across the table then had to lean back when the waiter delivered her toasted Foccacia and Olivia's BLT. At least Alex's appetite had improved and she was looking healthy physically.

"A huh counsellor, how many men have you dated on 50 grand or less?"

"Does it count high school?" Alex asked and Olivia had to laugh and shake her head. Trust Alex to think of that. "Ok so I dated a mechanic once"

"How old was he and how old were you?"

"He was 19 and I was 18, I was rebelling" Alex laughed "it lasted a month"

"Not surprised" Olivia chuckled "Ok so I'll presume you're not a snob. Still have the fact I'm female and you're straight"

"Interesting that twice now you haven't counted yourself in the straight bracket?" Alex raised an intrigued brow

"Can't, I've kissed a girl" Olivia deadpanned and Alex nearly choked on her toasty. She stared at Olivia in surprise and Olivia winked "Babs Duffy remember"

Alex rolled her eyes and shook her head

"Very funny. That doesn't make you gay or bi or whatever. She caught you off guard" Alex took a sip of her drink and sat back to look over her friend "Besides you've kinda lost that butch look you had"

"Excuse me?" Olivia blinked, face slack with shock

"Oh come on Liv, when we first met you were every lesbian's wet dream. Short hair, leather jacket, gun and badge. Not to mention your swagger" Alex grinned seeing her friends dumbfounded look "Many a woman gay and straight in the office used to fantasize what it would be like to go on a date with you, maybe roll naked in sheets"

"You're joking" Olivia blushed "Please tell me you are joking" she pleaded, she would never be able to show her face down at city hall again.

"No, Abbie Carmichael, Serena Southerlyn, even Novak I heard" Alex sat back and Olivia looked at Alex slyly

"Hmmm, what about Alexandra Cabot?" she asked and smirked when Alex flushed lightly but quickly recovered and waggled her brows. "Sure you did Cabot" Olivia chuckled and Alex merely raised a brow just as Olivia's phone went off. They sighed in unison, their peace shattered by Elliott's ringtone.

Olivia answered the call quickly and obtained details before hanging up

"I gotta go, got a body. You'll be good getting home?"

"Go" Alex rolled her eyes "I'll be fine, I'll see you when you get home"

Olivia stood and pulled a couple of wads of bills out of her wallet. She growled at Alex when she went to object. "I'll see you later Lex, if I can make it home by 7.30 I will take you out and you can see if a date with butch Detective Benson lives up to your old fantasy" she chuckled when Alex blushed again and looked down. She liked the blushing shy Alex. Leaning down she bussed Alex's cheeks and whispered "If you're lucky you may even get to roll in the sheets with me" she chuckled and skipped away from Alex's attempt to swat her leg "See ya babe" she called over her shoulder and had the patrons nearby Alex looking at her in amusement as she slunk in her seat. Oh payback was going to be a bitch.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing

_Hey all, getting a bit slack on the reviews. Need at least 10 for another update. Back to work tomorrow and busy getting ready for Christmas. Will see what happens, if not you all have a good one. This chapter is dedicated to my better half._

That night at 7.30 she was waiting, Olivia had called a half hour earlier saying she was just finishing up some paperwork and would be home soon. Alex had reminded her she owed her a date and Olivia had laughed and told her to dress casual.

So here she was in slim figure hugging jeans that rode low on her hips and a deep blue halter top that teased with a strip of flesh every now and then. Alex had topped them off with 3 inch heeled boots that would put her on the same level as Olivia. She had also taken the opportunity to lay a change out for Olivia. Stonewashed jeans with a rip in the right knee, tight black t and her latest brown leather jacket.

At 7.33 Olivia's keys rattled in the door while Alex was in the kitchen. The door opened and slammed shut soon after

"You're late detective, hurry up and have a shower, I've laid some clothes out for you" she called and there was a pause before she thought she heard Olivia mutter something about nagging and they weren't even married yet. She chuckled and called "You'll be lucky to get a second date let alone a wedding ring Liv"

"Oh, you ah heard that?" Olivia gulped

"You have ten minutes and counting Liv" Alex reiterated the time and Olivia bolted, showering in record time and barely paying attention to what Alex had picked out until she looked in the mirror and grinned. Ah, Cabot wanted it butch huh. Walking over to the dresser she picked up a brush and in less than a minute had her hair pulled back into a tight pony. Nodding in approval she added a little extra swagger to her walk and headed for the kitchen.

Alex was in the hallway and waiting when Olivia strode out and about swallowed her tongue in surprise. Butch was back! Of course the hair was tied back and not short but Olivia was a little older these days and the longer hair suited.

"Wow" Alex murmured

"Straight back at you Cabot" Olivia grinned "You ready to go my lady?" she asked and held out her elbow. Alex nodded and stepping forward hooked her hand into the crook of Olivia's elbow.

"Ready and waiting my fearless knight" Alex grinned back and as blue eyes met brown something flashed between them and they both realised in that instant the balance had shifted. They stared into each other's eyes for long moments before Olivia blinked and looked away.

"Your chariot awaits then" and she hurried Alex out the front door before either one of them could even contemplate what happened.

Alex had no idea what to expect but was pleasantly surprised when Olivia took her to a Thai restaurant, gallantly held her chair upon seating her, was polite and courteous and basically everything Olivia was on any standard night. She helped her when her heel caught on the cracked sidewalk and they linked arms as they walked. They talked endlessly about anything and everything as they walked, during the restaurant and again on the short walk to a small jazz club where they listened to a live band and Alex got brave enough to accept Olivia's offer to dance. Only because everyone else was dancing and there was another female couple there.

Olivia was a great dancer and guided Alex around the floor expertly. Olivia nodded at other couples as they danced and no one looked at them sideways. Alex felt comfortable and secure in Olivia's arms and had no qualms about continuing to dance as one song blended into another then another. She merely placed her head on Liv's shoulder and let her guide her.

It was nearing midnight when they finally left and walked arm in arm the few blocks back to Alex's apartment. Alex was tired but still slightly buzzed. She had to admit this had been the best date she had been on in a long time.

"Do you realise by tonight's standards, except for the dancing, we've been dating for years" Alex asked and Olivia looked down on her with a brow raised in question. "Look at us. We always walk arm in arm, we go out to dinner at our favourite restaurants, and we go back to one apartment or the other. If memory serves me well we have even gone dancing on the odd occasion when Abbie is in town"

"So you're saying based on that theory we've been dating for years" Olivia asked

"Appears that way" Alex nodded as they stepped into the apartment complex and greeted the doorman who smiled and nodded at them, trying not to show his pleasure at seeing his two favourite ladies together at last it seemed.

Once the ladies in question were in the elevator Olivia looked over at Alex with a sparkle in her eye and Alex knew she was up to no good.

"What?"

"You know Lady Cabot, if we've been dating for years I should be pissed. You've been stringing me along and withholding your favours" Both Alex's eyebrows shot up at this

"I do declare dear knight that you have been sharing my bed each night, have you not?" Alex teased back

"I have, that I have." Olivia nodded "However it was in the guise of friendship and as a knight helping a lady in distress"

They paused in their game as the doors opened to the elevator and they hurried to Alex's apartment, Olivia using her keys to unlock the door and usher Alex inside where she assisted her in removing her coat before hanging up her own leather jacket. She turned back to Alex to see her eyes still alive with laughter and had to grin, she loved that she had made Alex happy tonight.

"So knight, what is it that you request?" Alex continued their banter and Olivia had to grin as she became daring. Alex's knees buckled a bit at that grin and to hide it she leant against the wall behind her.

"Perhaps a small token of your affection?" Olivia wiggled her eyebrows

"I am scandalised" Alex sighed dramatically, placing her hand on her heart "Surely you are not asking for a kiss dear knight, why we are not even betrothed!"

"Then I shall go elsewhere, you are just stringing me along" Olivia took a step back and Alex quickly grabbed her by her belt and yanked her forwards. The only thing that prevented Olivia from slamming against Alex was her quick reflexes as she caught herself on her hands on either side of Alex's head. She froze when she realised her face was just inches from Alex's.

"Perhaps I can allow it, this one time, it is the end of our first date and technically expected" Alex whispered but Olivia had lost all thoughts of their little game as she stared down at Alex's mouth and wondered how those lips would feel against her own. She was shaken by the idea, where the hell had that thought come from?

"Liv" Alex questioned and looked into eyes that were practically black with desire. She realised too that their game was over and her heart thumped hard in her chest and then started to race at the idea of Olivia actually kissing her "Oh Liv" she murmured and raised shaky hands to cup flushed cheeks and pulled Olivia closer.

Olivia murmured something, maybe approval, just before their lips met but she didn't pull away and allowed Alex to guide the connection. The first contact was timid, light, hesitant and unknowing. The second was less hesitant, slightly firmer and questing. Approval was granted for a third meeting, slightly open and met with a growl of approval from the strong knight and a sigh of longing from the lady.

The third led into a fourth and fifth and so on. Mouths drew open wide, searching for deeper and harder contact, tongues joined the fray and Olivia's hands were no longer on the wall but on Alex. They kissed for long minutes before Olivia finally pulled away and pressed her brow to Alex's as their ardour cooled, and breathing slowed. Olivia pressed a last kiss to Alex's brow and eventually pulled back. She cleared her throat

"That...ah that was unexpected"

"Was it?" Alex asked cryptically and Olivia frowned at her "Liv, all joking aside we have practically been dating for years, we're so comfortable with each other, we share a bed most nights, we share everything. I think subconsciously we've both known for a very long time"

"But I'm not gay" Olivia shook her head and stepped back "I don't understand it"

"Olivia, nor am I. I couldn't even contemplate kissing any other woman. It's just something in me connects with something in you. Gender has nothing to do with it, it's who you are inside"

Olivia couldn't help but grin "Wow. Philosophical much counsellor?"

"Do you deny it?" Alex rose a questioning brow and Olivia shook her head

"After you blew my socks of kissing me it's pretty hard to" she chuckled and looked at her watch "it's late, we should get to bed"

Alex pushed off from the wall and took one of Olivia's hands in her own

"Will you sleep with me?" she asked and her stomach dropped when Olivia shook her head

"No Lex, I want to keep this separate Ok. If I wasn't staying here I would be going home right now. I won't jump in your bed after one date" she told the younger woman who smiled

"You are so romantic, you know I'll probably have a nightmare and you'll end up there anyway"

"Yes, but that will be as your supportive friend Alex, not as a prospective lover" Olivia blushed at the very idea as did Alex but both of them liked the idea suddenly. Very much so.

"If that's the case, I'll be wanting another date soon" Alex grinned and took a step backwards towards her room.

"Your turn to organise the next one" Olivia challenged but Alex shook her head

"Oh I think not my dear knight, I wish to be courted." She grinned cheekily "Besides you're the butch one" and with that parting shot she blew Olivia a kiss and practically skipped to her room. Olivia sighed and shook her head. What was she getting herself into? With a chuckle she practiced her swagger as she walked to her own room. Cabot wanted to be courted, then courted she was going to get.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own nothing

_Hey all, just a quick update as a Merry Xmas. It's 10am on the 23__rd__ here. I have to be at work at 3pm and wont get home until after 1am. Gotta be up at 7am to be at shops by 8 for Xmas food shopping and the relis hit by lunch. My partner finds out i am doing this instead of cleaning and my ass is grass. (Our couch isn't comfortable enough to sleep on, I'm too tall ha ha)_

_Merry Xmas_

Alex was right, Olivia did end up in her bed but she was very strict on the friend's only rule and Alex pouted, she wanted another kiss. Olivia promised her one soon, just not while they were in bed, it could lead to a situation they were both not ready for. Alex grumbled but soon turned over and allowed Olivia to hold her while she drifted into sleep.

Alex was still sleeping when Olivia got up the next morning and she didn't have the heart to wake her. She left a note in the kitchen saying she would bring take out home for tea and quietly left the apartment.

Elliott noticed the spaced out look Olivia had been wearing all day and wondered what was going on. It didn't seem like it was a bad distraction as she had this glint in her eye and a smile on her face. He was a bit stumped though. Had she met someone last night while out with Alex? That didn't seem like Olivia. Then there was the phone call that Olivia got while they were out at lunch, he could see the sparkle in her eyes and her face was slightly flushed. When she told Alex she would be home early hopefully everything clicked into place. He wasn't a detective for nothing.

"You and Cabot?" he asked incredulously and although she tried to play it cool her face was flushed and she couldn't look at him "Liv, come on, we've known each other how long?"

"11 years" she sighed

"Right and I've been your partner and best friend for that long" he told her and she shook her head causing him to frown in confusion.

"El, you're my brother, you, Kathy and the kids are my family. The guys and Don second only to that"

"Wow" Elliott didn't know what else to say to that. He would have to tell Kathy, she would be blown away. "So if I'm your brother why can't you tell me?"

"Cause big brothers have a tendency to tease" she chuckled and he gave her a mock affronted look before she sighed "You know Alex and I went to see the Psych yesterday?" she asked and he nodded "Well the Psych told Alex she was lucky to have a partner like me" she smirked and Elliott couldn't help but roll his eyes "Afterwards when we went to lunch she told me years ago when I had short hair I looked butch and all the women in City Hall and the DA's office fantasized about me" she blushed and Elliott roared with laughter.

Scowling she crossed her arms and sat back to wait for him to finish. He held up his hand in apology and encouraged her to continue.

"Well then you rang and I had to leave. As I left I told her to be ready at 7.30 and she'd get to date the Butch Detective" she shook her head "I was only teasing of course but when I called her at 7 to tell her I was on my way she reminded me so I went with it. She picked out faded jeans and a black shirt and my leather jacket to wear. I put my hair up in a pony and took her out. We went to a restaurant then I took her to a Jazz Club and we slow danced" she looked up at Elliott and found him watching her intently

"It was nice El, we fit, we were comfortable in each other's arms and we didn't miss a beat. We stayed until nearly midnight then walked home. Alex made a comment that based on the nights events we had been dating for years and hadn't realised it. We got to teasing each other and she called me her Knight, apparently I'm all protective around her"

"You are" Elliott agreed, she was very protective of Alex. He was a little too. He was pretty sure it stemmed from them not protecting her when they should have.

"Anyway I teased back and said if we'd been dating that long she was withholding favours and I was going elsewhere and took a step back. Next thing I know she's pulled me against her saying a little kiss wouldn't hurt and then we were" she flushed and Elliott looked at her questioningly and she rolled her eyes "Kissing El, I kissed Cabot"

"Er...um...wow?" Elliott stuttered

"Is that a question or a statement?" Olivia chuckled "If it's a question then yes it was wow and I can't wait to do it again"

"Really?" he asked, a brow raising in question as he leant forward, resting his elbows on the table between them.

"Really" Olivia nodded and watched him carefully to gauge his reaction "I know you're Catholic El and it's against your religion"

"No, no it's all good. You and Cabot" he thought for a while then nodded "I think you'll make a good couple"

"Thanks El, let's not get carried away, it's only been one kiss" she smiled at him, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders.

"With Cabot around I'm sure that will quickly multiply, one because she is one hot dame and two because once she sets her mind on something she usually gets it"

"Too true" Olivia nodded then looking at their plates and noticing the time she stood "Better get back to it, I've got incentives now to try and leave on time from now on" she grinned and Elliott laughed as he stood with her. They threw enough money on the table to cover the bill and a tip then left, Elliott teasing her all the way and Olivia wishing she'd kept her trap shut.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own nothing

_This is it, I swear, just a short one. Thank Reggieme. That's two you owe me pal, I'll be watching._

_Thanks for the reviews for those who did, would be nice to hear from a few who don't normally review. Merry Christmas._

Alex ran around the kitchen at home setting the table and lighting candles. Olivia had rung and said she was on the way home with some Chinese takeout. Her stomach danced with nervous energy at seeing her detective again. Hers. Olivia was hers and as long as she didn't do anything to stuff it up she'd remain hers.

She wondered how she should act when Liv got home. The friend or the girlfriend? She figured she would let Olivia decide as she turned off the kitchen lights and let the candles cast their romantic shadow. Ok so maybe she was pushing for the girlfriend. She hurried to the fridge and took out a beer for Olivia and poured a glass of wine for herself and set them on the dining table.

She shivered in nervous anticipation as she heard Olivia's keys in the lock and stood still as she heard the door open, then close gently, the clatter of the coat rack and the rustle of the take out bag and footsteps that came closer. Finally Olivia stood in the doorway and took in the romantic setting. She smiled and looked over at Alex who was wearing skinny jeans and blouse. Casual Alex took her breath away, Alex took her breath away no matter what she wore. Why hadn't she seen it before?

Placing the Chinese on the table she made her way to Alex who was all flushed and looked like she was going to hyperventilate any second she was breathing that hard. Olivia caught Alex to her when she swayed and had to smile at the effect she seemed to have on the younger woman. Had Cabot been about to swoon? That was good for the ego.

Alex slid her arms around Olivia's neck, realising that Olivia made her knees buckle and didn't understand where that came from. Yeah she'd always known her friend was a beauty but to have this affect on her now, after only one kiss. She shuddered as she waited for Olivia to slowly lower her head until soft lips claimed hers and passion skyrocketed. They took up where they left off yesterday and the kiss soon became demanding.

The only sound that could be heard coming from the kitchen was groaning, harsh breathing, slurping of wet kisses and the occasional knocking of teeth. Olivia pushed Alex back against the kitchen counter and devoured her, Alex giving as good as she got as they fought for domination, neither wanting to give in.

Alex's hands roamed through Liv's hair, cupped her face and massage her neck and shoulders. Olivia's ran down Alex's back and sides, cupping her sweet soft ass and pulling their hips into closer contact. Their legs tangled, Olivia forcing hers between Alex's and groaning when her thigh met incendiary heat.

"God Alex" she groaned and Alex arched her head back and cried out. Olivia latched onto the beating pulse point in her throat and suckled strongly. ""You're so beautiful, so responsive"

"Liv" Alex gasped at the stinging pain and knew Olivia had marked her. She had never been a real fan of hickees but she felt branded by Olivia and would wear that brand proudly. Olivia pulled away slowly, determined to gain some control. Alex protested and tried to pull her closer.

"Lex no. I don't want to rush this and ruin it. I want to take my time and savour." Olivia kissed the tip of her nose and then grinned cheekily "besides I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm making it up as I go along. I figure we take it a stage at a time and I practice each stage thoroughly the ending should come with a bang"

"Anymore bang and you're gonna kill me Liv" Alex let go of Olivia reluctantly "I go off with a simple look, you have nothing to worry about trust me"

Olivia chuckled and stepped away over to the table and offered Alex a sly grin

"You wanted to be courted Counsellor" she paused and held out a chair for Alex who sat with a smile at the chivalry "So courting is what you are going to get"

"I look forward to it" Alex smiled as Olivia took her own seat.

They ate in comfortable silence, sharing longing looks and soft smiles. Alex did KP duty and sent Olivia into the lounge to watch TV, not surprised she was watching a game of football when she came in. She took the initiative and sat next to Olivia, curling under her arm and against her side until Olivia decided to get an early night and head off to bed at 10pm.

Of course by 1.00am she was snuggled in next to Alex after another nightmare, concerned that the nightmares seemed to be occurring just as frequently now as months ago. Maybe they should talk to George, surely there was something more they could do but see a quack once a fortnight, she would suggest it to Alex in the morning.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Alex listened to her reasoning but decided to give the psych a go first before involving George. So the pattern was set for the next couple of weeks. Alex worked from home for the organisation that employed her. They actually used her to review case files to see if any could be re opened and what investigators should look for. She actually enjoyed doing it and it gave her freedom to go out when she could. She took time out to see her old friend Serena Southerlyn and her old boss Liz Donnelly but gave nothing away to either of them about her job or Olivia.

Olivia worked hard, putting up with Elliott's teasing when they were alone. She gave him permission to tell Kathy who apparently wanted them over for dinner one weekend. Olivia told them to hold off for a few more weeks, let them get used to themselves as a couple first.

These days Olivia made the effort to get home early, staring at and reviewing case files was no longer her way to pass time. Alex rewarded her for her efforts when she got home, greeting her with a passionate kiss before they had intermission for dinner and they ended up making out on the couch afterwards.

Some of the kisses they shared had the ladies severely tempted to go further but as yet hadn't. Olivia courted Alex, had brought her chocolates, flowers, bottles of wine and even a teddy bear. Alex loved every gift and showed her appreciation in ways that left Olivia hot and bothered and struggling to remember her own name.

They went out again a couple of times when Olivia wasn't on call that night and on the third date they braved themselves and went dancing at a ladies only club. Olivia had to growl at a few ladies that tried to make a move on Alex and Alex loved Olivia being possessive.

The only downer was Alex continued to relive her shooting and talking to the psych didn't seem to be helping. Olivia hadn't made it to one appointment, they had just hauled in a perp and Cragen wanted her to break him as he hated women. She had begged him in his office but he refused to budge. She got angry and told him he had to explain to Alex.

Alex had given him such an ear lashing that he had promised to send Olivia next time, they'd find a reason to hold the perp for an hour or try and get the boys to break him first. It was the first time Alex hadn't been waiting for Olivia at the door when she had gotten and Olivia was worried.

"Alex?" she called and there was no response. Hanging up her jacket she made her way into the kitchen and turned on the light. No sign of Alex in here, the breakfast dishes were still sitting on the sink which was unusual.

Placing the Italian dinner she had brought home on the table along with Alex's favourite wine she headed for their bedroom. She paused at that, yes it was their bedroom, she spent 75% of her nights there and had some clothes already moved in. She was just stalling on the actual moving in, maybe it was time but it didn't feel right to move in before they became lovers.

Once she was in the bedroom she could hear the shower running and relaxed slightly but as she approached the door she could hear the gut wrenching sobs coming from inside. Slightly panicked now she tried the door handle and was relieved to find it open and knocking slightly she opened the door and called in.

"Alex, babe what's wrong?" she asked her heart breaking as Alex merely cried harder and she hurried in "Alex talk to me" she pleaded and thought she heard her mutter something in between chattering teeth. Olivia looked around and noticed the decided lack of steam in the room. Swearing she ripped open the shower door and felt the water. It was like ice!

"Jesus Alex" she turned the cold down and realised that's all Alex had running and turned it off completely. Who had a deliberately cold shower in March? Someone with a lot deeper issues than just nightmares. She swore again and reached for a bath towel before crouching next to Alex who was curled up in a ball, left side towards her and shivering madly.

"Come on babe, you need to get out, your freezing" Olivia bent and wrapped the towel around Alex, trying not to stare at the gorgeous naked body and keeping her libido under control.

"Don't" Alex flinched away from her and Olivia stared in disbelief. Alex flinched from her touch!

"Ok if you don't want me touching you" Olivia held her hands up and backed away as Alex rounded on her fire in her eyes

"Touch me, you couldn't even look at me just then! Am I really that ugly?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Olivia's own anger flared "You're so damn beautiful and classy you make me feel like a mixed breed mutt standing next to a pedigree pup with papers of excellence"

"Then why won't you touch me!" Alex yelled "It's been weeks and we're barely past first base. You won't touch me, won't look at me, we can't even take our shirts off to get to second base and you refuse to come to bed with me knowing I need you, knowing it may prevent me from dreaming. When you do touch me you avoid my right shoulder, don't think I don't notice"

Olivia sat stunned wondering where this outburst had come from. Was it because she hadn't come to the appointment? It had to be it. Had they discussed the scars Alex had?

"Alex I'm crazy about you, and the only thing I hate about your scars is that they're there because I didn't do my job, I didn't protect you" she stated evenly and sighed as she stood up "I hate myself for that and El doesn't think much of himself either. For your information I don't touch either of your shoulders because I am so damn infatuated with your ass. I can't get enough of it" That had Alex's startled gaze shooting up to meet hers "As for taking so long Alex it's for several different reasons. One I have no idea what I am doing. Two I don't want to stuff this up Lex, I want to be with you in a year, 5 years hell 50 years. Three I don't trust myself around you, I'm a passionate person and you're so slight and I could hurt you, that is if I can get over my 4th reason. I'm petrified Alex. Ever wonder why I can't handle being pinned to a wall? Why I have to be on top?"

Olivia paused and let what she said sink in and saw the moment Alex understood her eyes going wide and her hand coming up to her mouth. She looked horrified

"Yeah, figured. You're not the only one with hang ups Lex. Just that everyone hasn't forgotten about yours" Olivia stood and reached in to help a shivering Alex to stand "Your cold, have a shower, a warm one this time and I'll meet you in the kitchen. I brought pasta and garlic bread home with your favourite bottle of wine"

Then she turned and left Alex staring after her. Alex groaned. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Throwing the towel out of the shower she turned it back on full and hot until she had warmed sufficiently to stop shivering and hopping out quickly dried herself before pulling on her dressing gown.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I own nothing

_Wow, great to see so many reviews, keep it coming. Hope you all had a good Christmas, I did. Not enjoying the Ashes though, Australia has self combusted and England is kicking our ass, it's embarrassing. If they are going to win then I want them to win it not have the Aussies hand it to them on a silver platter. For those who haven't watched a cricket game I suggest you try it but maybe a one day or twenty20, tests can be tedious unless you know what is going on. Anyway, had my gripe, on with the chapter._

Making her way down the hall and into the living area Alex found Olivia re heating their meals for dinner. Not sure of her reception she stood in the doorway and waited for her love to spot her. Olivia turned her head slowly, aware of her presence and they shared a long look. Alex bit her lip to hold in her tears but they swam in her eyes and spilled over onto her cheeks.

"Al" Olivia sighed, she hated seeing the blonde in tears, it made her feel like a big bully.

"I'm sorry" Alex sobbed "I'm sorry, I was stupid"

"You're not stupid" Olivia turned and opened her arms. Alex practically raced into them.

"Please don't leave me Liv, I couldn't handle it if you did" she sobbed and once again Olivia was left confused. Why would she leave? What the hell was going on? God why today of all day had she missed an appointment?

"Alex, I'm not going anywhere. I suggest we eat dinner and then you can tell me all about what the hell happened at the psych's today" Olivia drew back and gave her a soft kiss before taking her over to the table and seating her.

They ate their meal while Olivia talked about their latest case and the perp she had managed to get a confession out of before his lawyer turned up and ended the interview too late. Alex was proud of Olivia, she may push the envelope sometimes but she never crossed the line. Alex thought about that for a second and smirked internally, Ok rarely crossed the line.

After the meal they did the dishes together before going to sit in the lounge. With Olivia's patient questioning Alex revealed that they had talked about the scars today, the Psych asked Alex what she thought of them, why she hadn't had plastic surgery on them. She'd also asked what Olivia thought of them and Alex had realised Olivia had never seen them, asked to see them or touch them. The psych had done a real number on her by asking stupid questions like 'why was that?' and 'how come this?' and it had fed Alex's insecurities. She let her head overrun her heart.

Olivia pointed out that Alex always wore clothes that were careful to hide the scars, had never attempted to show her them and had never asked her if she wanted to see them. When Alex bit the bullet and asked if she did want to see them Olivia held up a hand and asked

"Why are you concerned about me leaving you?"

Alex bit her lip, wondering if the reply would get Olivia angry and Olivia noticed. She sighed.

"Lex?"

"Promise you won't get mad?" she asked and Olivia's eyebrow quirked. Alex sighed and started picking imaginary lint of her dressing gown, refusing to meet Olivia's gaze. "I was looking for some papers I had misplaced the other day and I um found some papers of yours for the renewal of your lease on your apartment"

Olivia was confused. She frowned and shrugged her shoulders

"I um spoke to the Psych about it. She said if you renewed it, it was a sign you were expecting the relationship to fail and you were using it as an escape plan. Maybe using it as an excuse not to get involved deeper" she winced as Olivia closed her eyes and growled before hurrying on "I came home and tried to find the papers but they were gone. I figured you had renewed your lease" she finished on a whisper.

Olivia was steaming mad but not at Alex. She could strangle the psych and she didn't care what Alex said they were not going back, they would talk to George.

"If I see that psych again I am going to kill her, you will cancel the next appointment and tomorrow we are calling Huang, understood" she said quietly and Alex knew she was pissed, so she just nodded meekly. "The lease renewal is in my room. I wanted to talk to you about it but hadn't found the time or the guts to. How the hell do you ask to move in with someone when they haven't asked you to or if they even want you to?"

"Oh" Alex was stunned. Olivia wanted to cancel her lease and move in with her. She grinned widely and looked over at a waiting Olivia "Move in with me Liv, the spare room, my room, but please just stay with me. I love just having you around and these last few months have been..." she paused unsure what to say but Olivia didn't need to hear anymore.

"Ok" Olivia tamed her smile, not wanting to give away how elated she was and was rewarded by a squeal and Alex diving at her. Olivia caught her easily. She may be looking better these days but she was still a light weight. Alex kissed her, slowly and deeply and Olivia uttered a soft cry and froze for a second when Alex crawled on top of her and straddled her. It was too late to hide her reaction as Alex drew back and looked down on her with a concerned scowl.

"If I am seeing Huang then you are too" and the tone she used brooked no argument. Olivia sighed but agreed with a short nod of her head. She wasn't looking forward to retelling the incident but knew she had to try for the sake of their relationship.

Alex went a little shy after that and looked down at where Olivia's hands were caressing her thighs, sending sparks straight to her secret place between her thighs. She contemplated her next move before slowly hesitantly raising her hands and pulling her robe off her right shoulder, Olivia's warm concerned but loving gaze following every move.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Olivia watched Alex timidly pull her dressing gown aside and realised how she reacted would affect Alex greatly and with ease of practice schooled her features. What Alex revealed were two puckered scars approximately half an inch in diameter. 1 near her clavicle, one about 2 inches lower down. Olivia had seen bullet wounds before. Elliot had been shot and she had been cut with a knife and all manner of things. The fact that these were on the woman she had come to love brought tears to her eyes.

She acted on instinct alone as she leant forward and tenderly placed a kiss on each scar, letting Alex know she wasn't horrified by them. Alex sighed in relief when Olivia kissed her scars but also shivered in longing. They were very sensitive and shot a bolt of desire through her.

"Turn around Lex" Olivia whispered and Alex shuddered, this was the test. Her entrance wounds were small but her exit wounds were large, streaky messes. Taking a deep breath she slid off Olivia's lap and turned around before sitting down again facing away from her. With a shrug of her shoulder the dressing gown slipped further down revealing two jagged scars, maybe an inch and a half to two inches in diameter. They weren't the worst she'd seen but they were pretty bad.

Once again she placed tender kisses on the scars, making sure she covered every millimetre of them, she used her tongue to outline them and smiled when Alex shivered. Kissing her way up her shoulder she bit Alex's clavicle and blinked at the view presented to her down the front of Alex's dressing gown. Alex was perfect, two small creamy globes topped with pale pink nipples that were standing to attention.

Olivia had a feeling Alex's ass was going to come in a distant second after seeing those.

"God you're perfect" she groaned and Alex seeing the direction of her gaze blushed bright red. Olivia grabbed her wrists and prevented Alex from crossing her arms "No, let me look" she whispered and Alex relaxed back into Olivia, biting her lip as Olivia took the edges of the robe and pulled it down and off her shoulders so she had an unobstructed view.

God she was so perfect, with her creamy skin with a few pale freckles that Olivia planned to map with her tongue one day. Her stomach was flat and toned and as Olivia ran a hand over it the muscles jumped at her touch. Her hands caressed sides that indicated her narrow waist and up over a delicate rib cage before she paused.

She took a moment to listen to Alex's erratic breathing remembered Alex's sighs and moans as she had explored her stomach and realised Alex loved her touch, no matter how uncertain. With a deep breath she drew her shaky hands up until she palmed Alex's breast in her hands, testing their weight and fit and realised they fit perfectly. They both groaned in pleasure and Alex arched into the hands.

Olivia was fascinated with Alex's responses, the globes seemed to swell in her hands and hardened nipples seemed to harden and grow further under the attention she was giving them with her thumbs.

"You're so beautiful, so responsive to my touch" Olivia whispered in awe, resting her chin on Alex's shoulders and just watching in fascination. "You fit my palm perfectly, your nipples respond to my touch" Alex groaned inflamed by the words and tried to push her chest closer to Olivia's hands.

"Liv, Oh Liv" raising her right arm she wrapped it around the back of Olivia's neck. Her left hand went to Olivia's and forced it harder against her breast, silently asking for her to knead harder. Olivia complied and pressed kisses on the side of her neck and up to nibble on her ear. Alex cried out softly and Olivia became aware of Alex's hips shifting restlessly.

"Alex" she breathed as Alex led her hand down across her stomach and pressed it hard against her dressing gown covering her mound "Alex" Olivia warned again but Alex was determined. She felt so good, so close and she needed it. She just needed a few moments.

"Liv please, just this" Alex pushed hard against the hand then rocked back. The small friction bringing her closer. It was having an effect on Olivia too as her brain was slowly short circuiting and she had to keep blinking to keep her gaze in focus. The sight of her kneading a breast, the other swaying to the motion of Alex's hips, her hand entwined with Alex's and pressed low down, well it had her own libido sky rocketing but she kept it in check. This was for Alex and she watched and listened as Alex rocked those hips harder and faster, listened as Alex's moans and sighs got louder and could even smell Alex's essence as she became more excited and climbed for the peak.

Oh God they should have done this ages ago, why had she been holding back again? Alex turned her face around so they were nose to nose, breathing hard and pulled her in for a deep kiss before going stiff and crying out against Olivia's mouth as she came hard. Olivia held her tight as Alex lost control, felt Alex shudder and shake before she collapsed. Olivia continued to hold her until Alex returned to the present and blushed deep red burying her face in Olivia's neck.

Olivia chuckled and kissed a sweaty brow while gently covering her up and reeling in her own needs. "That was just beautiful Alex, don't be shy" she whispered and Alex only pressed her face in tighter to her neck "Alex sweetheart it's Ok, really, that was so beautiful to watch and experience. I want to do it to you again and again. I will do it, I promise. You can do it to me too"

That had Alex's head popping up with interest, eyes bright and curious. Olivia grinned not surprised that had caught Alex's interest.

"I can?" Alex asked eagerly


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I own nothing

_Hello all and a Happy New Year, hope you had fun unlike me as I was working, pretty dull night for New Years. Quietest for a long time even though a few thousand flocked to the foreshore for the fireworks display. Anyway hope you enjoy the next chapter_

"You can try Al" Olivia said seriously "I can't guarantee I'll be as responsive or receptive as you. I have a lot of fears still"

Alex contemplated this for a while and seemed to understand. Standing she turned around then straddled Olivia again so they were facing each other. Taking a deep breath she shrugged her robe off her shoulders again, baring herself to her waist. Olivia's eyes immediately honed in where she wanted them but she still flushed slightly.

While she had Olivia distracted she reached out and slowly started to undo the buttons on Olivia's shirt. She was nearly at the bottom button when she noticed how tense Olivia was and paused. She looked up into Olivia's eyes and was relieved to find no fear just a hint of uncertainty and maybe embarrassment. Huh?

"What is it?" she asked tenderly cupping her face with one hand

"Alex I'm 8 years older than you" Olivia flushed and Alex was dumbfounded. What did that have to do with anything? "I'm also a fair bit larger and I'm not quite as perky or..."

"Shh" Alex ordered "Let me be the judge of that" she told her and taking Olivia's hands guided them back to her breasts, sucking in a startled breath as sparks shot straight to her core. Her climax had done nothing to slow or diminish her reactions. Instead she seemed to crave it more now she knew what she was missing. She grit her teeth to concentrate and returned to her task until the shirt fell open to reveal a toned tanned stomach and large breasts, maybe not as perky as they had been ten years ago but nowhere near close to heading south as Olivia had indicated.

Alex took a closer look, blinking hard as Olivia seemed to be enjoying her distraction and realised Olivia's bras hooked together at the front. Her mouth went dry and with a shaky hand she flicked the clip open. Oh God. Large breasts spilled into her waiting palms, topped with chocolate coloured nipples that went from semi erect to bullets in half a second.

Alex grinned when Olivia's hands went limp and her head fell back against the couch and she let out a long deep moan of pleasure. Alex had no idea what Olivia was worried about, she was absolutely beautiful and very receptive to her touch.

Olivia herself was thinking the same thing, she should have let Alex touch her long ago. Sitting forward she was able to remove her shirt and bra with the assistance of Alex. Of course Alex went up on her knees to help and Olivia became distracted by a face full of perky breasts. She paused in her efforts while Alex continued. That was until Olivia leant forward and took a rosy nipple in her mouth and sucked hard. Alex gave a startled gasp then started to shake as she cupped the back of Olivia's head and pulled her in closer. Olivia got the idea and suckled harder.

For long minutes all that could be heard was Alex's moans, sighs and cries of delight, blended with Olivia's suckling and growls of approval.

Neither of them was sure how it came about but soon Alex was laying flat on her back, her long legs wrapped around Olivia's waist, her bathrobe pushed down around her hips while Olivia lay above her only in her pants. Olivia was braced on her hands while her mouth worked furiously at Alex's breasts and her hips pumped hard against Alex's. Alex had her head thrown back, gurgling her desire to the room drowning in the pleasure of Olivia's mouth on her breasts and the zip of her pants rubbing on her clit.

Olivia realised she had lost control, she could do nothing to reign it in though and Alex didn't seem to mind. She threw her head back and hissed as Alex raked sharp nails across her shoulders and left long red welts. Perversely it only added to her pleasure, she felt her underwear become soaked and her desire spiking and she tipped her head down to take in the sight of Alex in the throes of passion beneath her. God!

She tried to tell herself that they shouldn't be doing this, that it was too fast, that they had a lot of things to sort out before jumping in blind. That was until Alex ran her hands down her back and cupped her ass, squeezing hard and urging a faster rhythm. She felt the all too familiar tightening in her stomach and knew she was lost when it suddenly exploded and she climaxed hard. She was barely aware of Alex screaming her name below her as she slumped on top of the blonde and everything went black.

When she came to again she was still slumped on top of Alex who was pressing tender kisses to her brow and gently caressing her back. She winced when her fingers ran over raised welts and Alex lifted her head to get a look at her markings.

"Ouch, sorry"

"'S ok" Olivia mumbled still drained and Alex chuckled

"Gotta increase your stamina if one climax wipes you out"

Olivia didn't have the energy to argue so just grunted, adding to Alex's humour

"And you were worried about not knowing what to do" Alex sighed "Any better and I think I would have passed out too" Olivia frowned

"I wasn't passed out"

"No? Then that wasn't you that was snoring on top of me for the past hour?"

Hour? Olivia moved enough to get a good look at her watch and did some calculation. She got home at 7, they'd eaten at 7.30, started talking at 8 and it was now 10. OH MY GOD.

"Shit you must be squashed" she struggled to get her weight off Alex but Alex held her firm

"Olivia it was fine, you barely outweigh me and trust me if it was uncomfortable I would have woken you earlier" she kissed a rosy cheek "I just thought if we were going to sleep it would be more comfortable in bed" she held up a hand to belay any protests "No, I don't want to hear it, you are joining me in my bed from now on. In fact from now on you can consider it our room and our bed and tomorrow while you are at work I will be cleaning out my wardrobe for your stuff which we will move when you get home. Understood?"

"Yes boss" Olivia grinned, smiling at Alex's rant which earned her a smack. Sharing a last deep kiss they untangled themselves from the couch and made their way hand in hand to their bedroom. Alex refused to let Olivia put a shirt on and they both went topless to bed, loving the new sensation.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I own nothing

_Hey all, last chapter for a bit, the Mrs is getting pissed I am spending so much time on the computer. We get a new puppy tomorrow and I have to take time to 'bond'. Will update when I can._

The following days went fast, Olivia was busy at work but Alex took time out to keep her promise of moving Olivia's stuff into her room. Olivia gave her the key to her old apartment and she went over to pack more bags of clothes and personal items Olivia had. There wasn't much, just a few photos of her mum, the guys, her, Casey and a few charms. In fact Alex was surprised how little Olivia had.

Only furniture was left and she had to let Olivia decide what to do with it. Olivia had said there was one or two things which she wanted to keep but the rest could go to charity. If they were free on the weekend she would get the guys to help her cart it. That obviously brought up a discussion on whether they were ready to tell they guys.

Olivia admitted that Elliott had guessed weeks ago but besides telling Kathy had kept quiet. Alex didn't care who found out, she figured everyone would sooner or later. Alex decided if they helped Olivia move on Saturday everyone should come around for dinner. Olivia asked who was going to cook and Alex advised she knew a good caterer. Olivia rolled her eyes and told Alex she should know the guys didn't go in for fancy meals and Alex said the one she had in mind could do up a good pot roast. Olivia held up her hand and told her it was her decision.

Alex found great joy in climbing into bed every night with Olivia. Her dreams weren't totally nightmare free but Olivia was there to soothe her before she became too distressed. They hadn't actually made love to the full extent yet, although there were a couple of repeats of the couch 'incidents' as Olivia called them. Mainly she was just too tired by the time she dragged herself into bed at night.

They contacted Huang and he agreed to see them on the quiet and came over twice in the following days, surprised to see them together and interacting as a couple but happy for his friends. When they told him about the other psych he told them it was often a standard practice to push patients who were withholding details and not assisting in their treatment.

As they spoke with Huang they came to realise all the extra information they were comfortable telling him and realised maybe the psych had thought she needed to push Alex. Olivia just didn't like that it had occurred when she wasn't around to reassure Alex. After their session Thursday night they asked him around for dinner on Saturday all faring well and he graciously accepted.

As lunch approached on Friday Elliott could tell that something was up as Olivia was acting all jittery. When he saw Alex walking in like she still owned the joint his eyebrows skyrocketed. One she wasn't in her usual power suits but dressed in jeans and jumper under what appeared to be Olivia's leather jacket. He chuckled when Olivia's eyebrow rose upon seeing it and Alex just shrugged. Shaking her head Olivia picked up the phone and requested Don come outside. Holly hell they were going to make an announcement. Grinning he leant back in his chair and waited.

Alex took up her customary position at Olivia's desk while she greeted Fin and Munch, telling them she was back in New York for a while doing case review work for the organisation she was working for. Don came out and greeted her warmly too before Olivia stood up and looking at Alex who nodded cleared her throat to get everyone's attention.

When everyone was looking her way she swallowed nervously and reached for Alex's hand. Alex took it in her own cool one and the guys stared.

"Um I just wanted to tell you guys that Alex and I" she paused and looked at Alex begging for help

"What Olivia is trying to say is that we finally woke up and realised what we mean to each other. I contacted Olivia a few months ago when I got back to New York and we've been seeing each other ever since. She's moving in to my apartment tomorrow and needs some help with the u haul. Those who assist get fed afterwards" Alex looked at Olivia who rolled her eyes

"Blunt as ever counsellor" she grumbled but she couldn't help grinning as she used the hand that held Alex's to draw her lover near and pressed a chaste kiss on her lips.

"You like me this way" Alex's eyes sparkled and her lips twitched as she drew back and looked at the stunned men "I think we've rendered them speechless Liv"

Olivia looked around and realised the whole bullpen was quiet. Every detective and officer was watching them with interest. Olivia flushed and growled at them to go back to work. A few called out 'congratulations' or 'about time' but most just grinned and turned back to what they were doing. One perp being led through made a comment about the temperature and getting arrested more often which earned him a slap across the back of the head from the arresting officer.

Finally Fin snapped out of his stupor and came forward to hug both women, whispering to Olivia she'd caught herself a winner and she'd better not mess it up. Olivia nodded giving him an extra squeeze. Munch came forward and went to open his mouth. Both Olivia and Alex shot him a warning glare and he grinned. He bussed both their cheeks and volunteered himself and Fin for U haul duty. They also offered to catch this weekend so Olivia could have it free. Olivia thanked them.

Don was next, hugging both women warmly and giving Alex an extra long stare. Alex understood it's meaning, Olivia held a special place in her Captains heart and vice versa. She nodded and smiled and he squeezed her shoulder gently. He offered his congratulations then told Olivia to take an extra half hour at lunch before getting back to work. He told Alex he would see her tomorrow before heading back to his office.

Elliott hugged them next, his smile friendly and warm as he offered his congratulations. He asked if Kathy could make anything for the dinner and Olivia told them she was having it catered. When they all seemed to become terrorised at the thought she assured them it would be a simple roast and they sighed in relief. Alex just laughed and turned to Olivia who hurriedly gathered her stuff and followed Alex out to catcalls of being whipped. She gave them the one finger salute as she went through the doors.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I own nothing

_This chapter is short and sweet. It is dedicated in the loving memory of a good mate and colleague who died last night in a car crash off duty. I love you mate, your fun ways and laughter will never be forgotten._

_The world has gone crazy at the moment, USA is reeling after their shooting. I just can't believe anyone can get a gun over there, it's insane. After all their problems they're bringing in concealed weapon laws? By all means, let's make it even easier for the idiots to kill each other. I'm sorry to all my USA readers if you don't like me for this but if your country doesn't implode in the next 10-20 years I will be truly surprised._

_On a note closer to home for any Aussie fan that is affected by the floods mainly in Queensland but also NSW and my home state of Western Australia, my heart goes out to you. I am not sure if everyone worldwide knows, but you should check out the devastation on line._

_Don't fuck with mother nature or it will fuck with you._

They went to one of their favourite cafe's nearby, sliding in together in a booth seat and Alex ordered the warm chicken salad while Olivia ordered a chicken and salad wrap. They were sitting close and lost in conversation when a familiar voice spoke above them.

"Do my eyes deceive me Serena or have Cabot and Benson finally got their shit together?" came the soft Texan drawl and Alex rolled her eyes while Olivia chuckled. Pulling back slightly she looked at the other two ladies who were standing beside the table and grinned

"Hey Abbie, Serena" they stood and exchanged the usual greetings before offering them to sit at their table. They slid in opposite and Olivia took a second to look them over before offering up her own smile "Looks like we aren't the only ones to get our shit together" she chuckled and watched Serena's face bloom. Abbie chuckled

"She made me work hard but I wore her down in the end. I'm transferring back to New York by June. Apparently there may be a few spots available to me. Rumour has it the SVU at the 1 6 needs a permanent ADA."

"Maybe" Olivia grinned "Someone needs to keep us in line now Alex is gone. We tend to go feral occasionally, only Alex and Casey could keep us on a leash"

"That so? Maybe I'll need to bring along my lasso and spurs" Abbie wiggled her brows and Olivia's cheeks bloomed much to her amusement. Alex took Olivia's hand and told them to stop stirring.

Alex and Olivia's meal was served then and Abbie and Serena ordered them to eat. Serena's toasty came out shortly after but it took another 5 minutes for Abbie's burger and fries to arrive. Olivia told her friend her arteries would be full of grease. Abbie told her you only live once, may as well enjoy it and hoed in.

By the end of lunch the other two had wrangled an invite for dinner the following night and Serena told Olivia to call Casey. She had sorted her professional life out but was feeling a bit isolated without the unit. Olivia told her she didn't have her number and Serena assured her it hadn't changed and they said their goodbyes.

The next night their apartment was overrun with people. They had that many volunteers it had only taken 2 hours to move everything and only because they hired one trailer and had to do 3 trips. They'd adjourned to O'Malley's for a few drinks before returning to their apartment to let in the caterers and get ready.

Alex realised they were never going to get everyone around her 8 seater table as there were 11 adults and the Stabler twins and Eli. Olivia and the guys had welcomed Casey warmly when she arrived feeling slightly awkward. It wasn't long until she was in the thick of things though arguing with Munch and Fin. George was talking to Don and Abbie. Serena was regaling the twins and Kathy was keeping an eye on Elliott who was teasing Alex but figured she was smart enough to look after herself.

Olivia and Eli had bonded at his birth and every time they were together they became inseparable. Now was no different as Olivia crawled around on the floor with him and chased him around the apartment as he toddled off to check out his environment. She kept a close eye on him as the place wasn't exactly child proof.

Alex kept an eye on her lover, aware how much she loved children. Alex had never really contemplated them, except when her mother had been bugging her to marry and continue the Cabot dynasty. Maybe that could still happen, just not exactly in a conventional way.

Dinner went over well, Alex had warned the caterers they were feeding a bunch of cops that didn't appreciate fine cuisine, just wanted a hardy meal. They had cooked large rolls of roast beef and pork. Offered crunchy rolls and gravy and roast potato and pumpkin. Peas were there for diehard veggie fans.

They sat where they could find a space. Olivia sat on the floor with Eli, helping him eat and ensuring he didn't get too much mess on himself or the carpet. Alex's heart swelled as she watched the interaction between the two.

Someone mentioned a replay of some sporting game or something. That was a cue for Alex. Serena, Kathy and George to head for the dining room to sit and chat while everyone else watched the replay. Alex took Olivia a beer at one stage and found Eli curled up asleep in her lap. She decided it was a Kodak moment she couldn't pass up and ran for her camera.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Alex took several shots that night, the camera was passed around to different people to make sure everyone was in a photo. Alex was pleased that several good photos were taken of her and Olivia. She would get them printed and put them up around their apartment.

The 'men' were left to watch the game while Casey, Kathy, Serena and herself crowded around her laptop and exclaimed over the photos. Several requests were made to email some of the photos on so others could make copies for themselves.

Elliott and Kathy were the first to make a move, leaving at 10.30pm as Eli needed to get to bed, already it was way past his bedtime. It started a mass exodus as they hugged their friend's goodbye and promised each other they had to get together again soon.

Abbie and Serena were the last to leave, with Serena dragging her drunk Texan out while she sang. Olivia looked at Alex with a smirk and declaring an early phone call was in order to their friend the next morning.

Olivia cleaned up the lounge of beer bottles and took them down to the trash while Alex loaded her dishwasher with glasses. The caterers had left earlier after cleaning up and with a big bonus cheque and a promise of future calls.

Olivia returned to the apartment and found it dark except for the hall light leading to their bedroom. Locking the door she hung up her jacket, kicked off her boots and headed down to find her lover.

Walking into their bedroom she found Alex already in bed, covers pulled up to her chin and waiting. She indicated she would be a few minutes and disappeared into the bathroom for her nightly routine.

In the bedroom Alex let out a shaky breath as nerves played in her stomach. She raised the covers and looked down at her naked body, taking it in with a critical eye. What would Olivia's reaction be on seeing her naked? Would she get the hint? She sure hoped so. She had decided that the day of Olivia moving in should be the day they officially made love for the first time, and it was love. She hadn't said it before but she had known a while now. She loved Olivia Benson and had for years.

God she was so stupid and they had wasted so much time. She was brought out of her thoughts by the bathroom door opening and looked up to see Olivia stepping out only wrapped in a towel. Wow. She stared as Olivia gave her a cocky grin

"So Counsellor, to I detect correctly in thinking you are naked beneath those covers?" she asked and Alex's blush was enough to let her know she had detected correctly. Grinning she reached for the knot in her towel and let it slide to the floor, revealing her body to her lover for the very first time.

Alex could only stare awestruck, the woman was gorgeous and just the sight of that body naked had her shivering in anticipation and she felt her own excitement coating her thighs. She watched as Olivia prowled towards her like she was prey and realised she liked this more confidant side of Olivia. It appeared Liv had made up her mind too.

Inhaling a shaky breath she pulled back the covers and allowed her lover to slide in. Olivia had no hesitation in crawling across the sheets and covering Alex's body with her own. Both inhaled sharply at the contact of skin on skin.

Olivia held herself on shaky arms above Alex as she looked down on pure perfection, from the rosy tipped perky breasts to the flat stomach and the neatly trimmed blonde curls below. She felt her arms shake beyond the point where she could control them and gently lowered herself onto her elbows. She groaned when Alex splayed her legs in invitation and slid her arms around her neck to pull her down further.

"Liv" Alex breathed, overwhelmed. Olivia swallowed back the emotions which threatened to pour out of her and pressed her forehead to Alex's.

"I know"

"I love you Liv" she gasped as Olivia lowered herself on top of her. She hadn't meant to say it, it just slipped out and as Olivia froze above her she wondered at the reaction she was about to get. She knew Olivia well enough that she had built a wall around her heart many years ago that few got to penetrate. She just hoped she had.

Olivia's heart jumped into her throat when she heard Alex's confession and she froze in place as a multitude of emotions poured through her including tenderness, warmth, disbelief, fear and the love she held for Alex in return. She closed her eyes as tears threatened to spill over as she wondered what she had done to deserve the beautiful woman in her arms.

Finally, after 43 years, she had found someone to love, who knew all her demons and loved her back. Realising she had been silent too long and that Alex had gone stiff underneath her in fear of her reaction she raised her head until her gaze met Alex's startling blue.

As she did so she held nothing back, not the love she felt pouring from her heart, her soul for this woman, not the overwhelming tears of joy knowing she was loved, nor the fear of the power of said feelings and the hold Alex had over her now.

She watched Alex's eyes soften, felt her body relax and cradle hers more gently as one pale hand came up to cup her cheek and a thumb gently wiped a few stray tears from her eyes.

Alex was overwhelmed by the emotions she saw in Olivia's eyes, her heart soared in the realisation that Olivia loved her too. She didn't need to hear the words, seeing them was enough. Cupping the back of Olivia's head, loving the feel of her soft hair in her fingers, she pulled Olivia's head to hers until she could claim those beautiful soft lips with her own.

"Make love to me Liv, show me" she whispered between soft kisses and Olivia had to swallow down the emotions that clogged her throat so that she could speak

"I...I don't" she sighed and shook her head "I'm not sure...how" Olivia admitted and Alex smiled

"Yes you do love, everything you've done before has been perfect. Just love me Liv, just love me"

"I do" Olivia croaked "I will, always"

"Yes, always" Alex's heart pounded at the thought as she returned Olivia's kiss, softly gently and with all the love she had.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I own nothing

The night wasn't perfect by a lot of people's standards but for Olivia and Alex it was phenomenal. They kissed for what felt like hours, like they didn't need to rush, like if that was all they did it would be enough. It would have been for both of them but then Olivia's hands started to explore pale smooth skin, marvelling in the differences in their skin tones while Alex arched her neck and just tried to remember how to breathe as the room filled with her throaty moans.

Olivia soon graduated to palming Alex's breasts in her hands, exploring her nipples with her thumbs, gently caressing with her fingers and Alex lost all ability to think. If Olivia could do this with just a touch to her breasts what would happen when her hand travelled south?

All she could do in return was hold on to Olivia's powerful shoulders and pray she didn't black out at some stage. She came mighty close when Olivia's lips and teeth took over from her hands and if she was coherent she would have been embarrassed at the noises she was making.

Only two things computed at that stage, Olivia's mouth greedily sucking on her nipple and her hand travelling down past her navel and through blonde curls. She felt Olivia shake when gentle fingers found copious wetness and it enhanced her reaction as she cried out and arched into questing fingers.

"God you're so wet" Olivia groaned and all Alex could think of was _'Tell me about it'_. It was a regular occurrence around the dark haired detective. She caught a breath as searching fingers circled near her clit but never quite found it until OH MY LORD!

Olivia looked up quickly and saw the look of ecstasy on Alex's face when she found that little nubbin. It had the juices between her own legs pouring liberally and she couldn't help the ragged groan that escaped her.

From there she just explored tentatively, remembering all the lonely nights she had touched herself to ease tension and bring relief. She applied that to touching Alex and was pleasantly surprised and relieved when Alex responded positively.

She listened carefully at what made Alex moan, sigh or cry out, storing the data away for future reference. She became aware of Alex trying to pull her up the bed and slid upwards so that she could take Alex's lips with her own again.

"Please" Alex begged

"What is it love?"

"Inside, I need..." she cried out and arched again "More, please"

Oh God. Olivia tried her best to do as requested, her fingers sliding further south until she found the small tight opening, she looked at Alex startled at how tight she was as she guided a gentle finger inside, groaning as slick warm muscle enclosed around it.

"Alex" she sighed, overwhelmed as she gently eased in a second finger and repositioned herself so she was straddling one of Alex's thighs, gasping when her own wet heat came into contact with firm muscle, coating it with her liberal arousal.

She wasn't sure what happened after that as all thought flew out the window and she could only feel. Feel something she had never felt before in her life, it was confusing and scary and overwhelming but it was so beautiful she couldn't stop.

She could feel Alex's nails digging into her back, hear her cries in her ear as she rode her thigh in desperation, all the while thrusting her fingers into Alex's tight sheath, bringing her along for the ride.

They didn't climax together, although Olivia tried her best but she was so worked up by Alex, by her emotions she crashed over the edge first, shouting her pleasure into the pillow beside Alex's head. She was conscious enough to realise that Alex was straining towards her own pleasure and somehow managed to contort her hand and arm enough for her thumb to scrape over Alex's clit.

She felt Alex's walls contract around her finger, her body jerk and a flood of wetness coated her hand the same time Alex screamed loud enough to wake the entire city block. She smiled smugly when Alex relaxed back onto the bed, body still quivering, her fingers still buried deep inside Alex.

Alex groaned and threw an arm over her eyes, completely shattered, but in a good way. She could practically feel the smugness coming off Olivia in waves and turned her head to look into brown eyes alive with pleasure. She licked her lips to wet them and croaked

"What are you grinning about detective?"

"Fig Jam" Olivia chuckled

"Huh?" Alex was confused, she'd heard that expression before just couldn't remember where at the moment

"Fuck I'm Good, Just ask me" Olivia laughed and Alex smirked

'Well at least you didn't fall asleep this time" she chuckled at Olivia's affronted look. "Besides, I'll show you Fig Jam" she growled and rolled them over, laughing as the big strong detective uttered a surprised squeak. "Hold onto your hat Liv. You're in for one hell of a ride"

They spent the night exploring each other's bodies. They tried different positions, laughing when situations became more awkward then pleasurable and crying in pleasure when things became intense.

They'd drift into a sleep and when one woke they'd gently wake the other through light touches and kisses and start all over again. In the morning they were both a bit tender and soothed aching and previously disused muscles with a long relaxing bath, Olivia holding Alex in front of her.

They spent the day inside, making love, exploring, talking and sharing. As their bond grew so did their love.

Come Monday at work Olivia suffered through unmerciful teasing, especially when the boys spotted the hickee on her neck she had been unsuccessful at hiding.

As the weeks passed so did the nightmares for Alex. She would never regret having them though, they had brought her Olivia and that made her the luckiest woman in the world.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Epilogue

20 years later

Olivia tried to juggle the bag of takeout, a box with a few files in it, her IPod and the flowers she got Alex while digging for her keys so she could use the remote to shut the garage door. She walked around her practical GMC SUV passed Alex's BMW and nearly went ass up when she tripped over something that shouldn't have been in front of it.

Looking down she located Renee's skateboard and groaned. Why couldn't that girl be into makeup like every other 17yo her age? At least she hadn't discovered boys yet, thank god for small favours. No she was too busy playing sport, getting into fights and skating all over the local park with her best friend Kate who she met at play group and had been friends with ever since.

Kicking the offending skateboard closer to the wall she hurried up the three steps that led to the door into the foyer and with a bit more juggling managed to get it open without dropping anything. She quickly placed everything down and shed her coat and shoes before picking up the takeout and the flowers and making her way to the kitchen.

Turning into the doorway she smiled upon seeing the love of her life sitting at the kitchen table with their youngest, 12yo Justin and helping him with his homework. She grinned. Her life was perfect. After being together for a year Olivia had worked up enough balls and asked Alex to marry her. She'd had a scary moment when Alex had burst into tears but Alex had soon assured her they were tears of joy and said she would be honoured to become Mrs Benson-Cabot.

Soon after that they were married and within another year they decided they wanted a family. Olivia was pregnant with Renee before she could blink, Cabot money spoke. It had been a rough ride but 8.5months later their baby girl came screaming into the world and it was love at first sight.

Two years later and Alex gave birth to their middle child Serena, named to honour Olivia's mother and a good friend. While Renee was all her, Serena was all Alex from the blonde hair to the blue eyes. They had rounded out their family with Justin, a mixture of them both. Her egg carried by Alex. He had her colouring and temper but had Alex's sharp mind and blue eyes.

Those blue eyes shot up to meet hers and a smile split her son's face

"Ma" he cried and shoving his chair back hurried around the table to give her an enthusiastic hug. She grinned and returned it the best she could with both arms occupied. Hearing the scrape of chairs she looked up to see Alex standing and coming around the table also. Giving Justin the bag of takeout she told him to go call his sisters for dinner. Never one to complain he did as asked as she turned to Alex.

"Hello beautiful" she greeted her wife with a hug and a gentle kiss before presenting the flowers "For you"

"Why thank you" Alex grinned as she sniffed their perfume "You may just get lucky for that tonight". Olivia laughed and waggled her eyebrows as she watched her lovely wife look for a vase for the flowers. 55 years old and Alex was still stunning, with a body to die for. A bit curvier these days, a few worry and laugh lines, some silver hair mixed with the blonde but essentially still the same.

Olivia worked hard to keep herself in shape, she still hit the gym, still ran some although she swam more as it was easier on her old bones. She no longer worked in SVU, deciding once her family came along to move into the burbs and she was a Lt at a nearby station. All the guys had moved on or retired as well. Alex was in private practice now, helping those who can't afford other lawyers. She loved it.

A shout drew her attention to the back of the house and she walked out into the hall to see what all the yelling was about

"Dammit Serena bring that back here" Renee yelled chasing her sister who was running full pelt down the stairs holding a digital camera

"Renee and Kate sitting in a tree K I S S I N G" Serena laughed and Olivia scowled and crossed her arms.

Both girls came to a crashing halt at the bottom of the stairs upon seeing their mother.

"Um hi ma, didn't know you were home" Renee gulped audibly and Olivia raised a querying eyebrow which made Renee fidget and Serena smirk. Olivia shot her second daughter a glare and the smirk was quickly wiped off her face.

"So you believe running and yelling in the house is acceptable when your mother's here and I am not?"

"Well technically that's not what she said" Serena, who seemed to have inherited her smart mouth answered and got another warning look.

"So who wants to explain what is going on?" she asked just as there was more pounding on the stairs

"Renee, you better have gotten that camera from Serena if you ever want to do that ag-...Oh shit" Kate screeched to a halt behind Renee, her face flushed "Oh um hi Mrs B"

"Kate" Olivia nodded coolly, not surprised to see her the kid practically lived here and then turned to Serena and looked pointedly at the camera she was holding "Serena hand over the camera and go into the kitchen for dinner. Tell your mother to come out here"

Serena hesitated, not sure what to do. She had taken the photos in fun, wanting to stir her sister, she didn't want her to get into trouble.

"Now Serena" Olivia was firm and Serena sighed, shot her mortified sister an apologetic look and walked forward to hand over the camera before disappearing into the kitchen. Olivia wasn't blind or stupid, considering the two girls in front of her looked embarrassed, considering the song Serena had been singing and the threat Kate had issued running down the stairs she figured Renee and Kate's relationship had turned up a notch or two.

A confused Alex came out of the kitchen as Justin bounded down the stairs. He was sent in to get his dinner while Olivia turned on the camera and looked at the last photo taken. She was not in the least surprised to see a picture of her eldest daughter and her best friend kissing on Renee's bed. Alex's eyebrows shot up to her hairline though and they turned their attention back to a defiant couple who were holding hands and acting brave.

Olivia sighed, she should have guessed that Renee's decided lack of interest in boys and her close friendship with Kate was leading to this. Olivia turned to look at Alex who returned the gaze. After years of practice they communicated silently between themselves.

_What do we do about this?_

_What can we do?_

_Lex they're only 17._

_I know love but look at them._

They turned as one and looked at the new couple who were now standing arm in arm, Renee's arms protectively around her new girlfriend. Olivia sighed

_Fine at least she can't get pregnant_

_I think it's time for you to give that talk_

_Whoa, na ah. Not me._

_Olivia_

_Alex_

"Um ma? Mum? Less of the silent arguing please, we're dying over here" Renee broke in and Olivia sighed

"We will discuss this later, there are rules to set but for now go get your dinner" she watched as they visibly relaxed and gave tentative smiles "Oh and Kate?" she grinned internally as she watched Kate freeze and startled doe eyes shot towards her

"Um yes Mrs B?"

"Welcome to the family, Renee couldn't have picked better" Olivia finally broke a smile and thought she heard her wife mutter _sap_ but couldn't be sure as her daughter bounded over and gave her a bone breaking hug

"Thanks ma, your support means the world" Olivia returned the hug then gently pushed her away

"Go on, dinner will be getting cold" she nodded towards the kitchen and the loved up couple didn't need to be told twice as they hurried in. Olivia sighed and looked over at her wife who walked forward without question and enfolded her into a hug.

"You alright Liv?"

"Yeah" Olivia blew out a breath "But something tells me this whole situation is gonna give me nightmares"

**That's all folks, for a one shot it didn't turn out too bad. Hope you enjoyed.**


End file.
